Having recently spoken to my brother, Roger Maughan, a well-known businessman in your beautiful town, it was obvious to me that nothing has changed since I left Scarborough for National Service in 1956. You are still at the mercy of the seabirds.
When are they going to repeal the Wildlife and Countryside Act of 1981, in respect of Larus Argentanus? This sea-shore terrorist is unbelievably protected by the Act, enforced country-wide by the RSPB, bless ‘em!
The herring gull is equally loved and hated by everyone who encounters them, both at the beach and landfill site alike.
The interweb thingy says that at the latest count, there are currently approximately 200,000 breeding pairs gracing our seaside towns and rubbish tips. Each and every coastal resort will say “How come they are all breeding here in our town?” The estimate, census, guess, by the RSPB must be just a figment of someone’s imagination, methinks!
Of course, a day by the seaside wouldn’t be complete without the fish and chips, candyfloss and the call of the airborne hooligans!
The popularity of these hook-nosed ‘neer-do-wells’ wanes somewhat when they descend to ground level, to steal our kids’ ice-creams and bags of chips! Agreed, the general public is 99.999% to blame for these kamikaze attacks by airborne robbers being carried out with impunity.
It’s not even allowed under new regulations to feed the ducks on the local pond these days, so allowing gulls to nick your lunch is down to your own stupidity.
Feeding them tempts them away from the fishing grounds where what’s left of our fleet operate. (But that’s another story!) The stupid bit is leaving your children, and even yourselves vulnerable to terrible injuries that can be caused by these bully-boys.
Maybe if we stopped feeding them, they would eventually be starved into submission, and become an entry on the ‘at risk’ lists of the RSPB? That would probably result in Chris Packham climbing the cliffs to feed them!! Don’t get me wrong, the RSPB do wonderful work for our feathered friends countrywide, but with Larus Argentanus, they have got it wrong!
No-one would shed a tear for the bird that terrorises our kids, and decorates every surface of our buildings and pavements with the product of their alimentary canal and the suggestion that ‘white is best!’ Even B&Q cannot produce paint which has its own ‘Eau-de-Colon!’
So, will Brexit bring back our fishing fleets to the Dogger Bank, where they can trawl amongst the windmills and tempt the gulls offshore again? Will HM government rid us of this seaside terrorism? Or maybe Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall could come up with one of his wonderful recipes?
Of course! That’s the answer! Why didn’t I think of that?