Leave alone the elixir of youth

just because someone dares to put forward a revolutionary idea to try and solve the over crowding of the planet problem, namely a 70 year pill ... out come the blue rinse and Viagra brigade completely in denial.

Well I say to them, and the other twi-lighters that I see more 70 year old cronks when I go to the doctors for my testosterone-restricting injections, than any other age group.

If I had a pound for every 70 year old I see hauling themselves down to the seafront in pain every day, doing their damndest to hide the grimaces, I’d be a rich man.

Seventy is not the new 50, leave the elixir of youth where it belongs, in the bodies of 20 year olds.

Seventy is not the age to be running around like a knobbly-kneed schoolboy in daft-looking shorts, trying to impress women young enough to be your granddaughter. Seventy is the time you begin to seriously wonder whether or not you’ll reach your 71st birthday, and I have to say all this: “Let’s go on a fun run” stuff at my age frightens me to death.

Seventy is the age when things start to break down and go wrong, it certainly isn’t the time to go climbing mountains, or wanting to run a marathon or stuff like that.

It’s as if a bell rings inside our brains on reaching 70 and says “Go on you old fool, climb Everest” or “run to the North Pole,” we start going crackers.

So I would suggest that all the reborn Adonises and Botox-implanted Madonnas, who claim to have rediscovered the fountain of youth, get real and face up to the fact that you can’t turn back time.

I myself still play guitar and sing occasionally, but I’ve got arthritis in my hand, and a voice that sounds like a bag of spanners. However, I have managed to knock the fags on the head, so at least I’m not coughing and spluttering like an old car engine of a morning.

A friend of mine recently informed me that I had too much time on my hands, but that’s the point, I haven’t, none of us have, I’ve only five years left till I have to take the pill myself, and I know for a fact it will take me that long to get around to painting the garden shed, so best get cracking.

TW Ward